Cupcake Farmer Kristine Debus

Stress…and a little whining…

// April 10th, 2009 // Random News

I know that everyone warned me being a parent was stressful…however, I think Dave and I are in the deep end of the stress pool with Gavin.  Don’t get me wrong I love my son, he is absolutely the most loving, adorable yet frustrating child!!!!

I know, all parents right now are chuckling and thinking, well everyone can say that about their kids.  And that is true, however, having a child with autism can make things a little more difficult…not so much because of your child, but because of the adults you come in contact with.

Most people are very supportive, however there are a few who take the "autism is made up so people don’t have to take responsibility of their kids" route, and pretty much treat you like you’re a terrible parent because your kid is 5 and is still wearing diapers.  This, of course, is very frustrating for me.

I also find myself getting down because right now most parents are signing their kids up for sports and activities for the summer, camp, vacations…they have their choice of childcare facilities to send their child to, but we don’t.  Frankly, we cannot afford to send Gavin to a summer camp for children with special needs, and there aren’t many sports related activities (that we can afford right now) to send him to.  Finding a daycare is difficult since most places that will just accept him flat out just need the money and we don’t want to put him in a daycare that is not right for him just because they say yes. (we already made that mistake and it did not turn out well). We don’t get to interview daycares, they have to interview Gavin. 

Gavin’s accomplishments are much different than most children’s.  I get excited when Gavin asks for what he wants instead of whining or repeating phrases until we understand him.  When we finally get him to use the toilet I think I might faint with happiness!  I look at other parents who brag about their children’s accomplishments, you know the conversations:  "Billy just said his first word" "Samantha is going to be in honors orchestra" "Tom made his first touchdown today" and when the conversation turns to me I always feel weird because most parents look at me, and then look away because they feel bad.  I know I may be being hyper sensitive about this, but I don’t want people to feel like they can’t talk about those things around me, and I love to hear about their children, but on the same token, while I think Gavin’s accomplishments are amazing…most parents have a hard time being sincere in the praise for him.

I guess what I am getting to is that it hurts to think that most adults see Gavin and think "poor thing" instead thinking "amazing" the way I do. 

I just want what every parent wants…I want my child to succeed, I want him to have friends, I want him to soar…I don’t want people to pity him.  Of course, all I can really do is love him and hope people see the person he is instead of the "autistic kid".